Allow myself to introduce…myself.
Hello, my name is David Banter…it’s not my real name, but I don’t have much of a choice. My family’s pretty religious and I’m not sure I agree with attaching their name to anything that you’ll be reading here. With that said, I’m only going to change names; The places, events, and stories are as accurate as my corroded memory permits. So here goes… I’m from Jersey. I’m 26, 6’5, black, and have the ego of a ball player (I played from age 9-22) and the body of an English teacher (it’s not that bad)… Some people convinced my then single mother that it’d be most beneficial. They said it’d keep me out of trouble. I guess they were right. At about age 15, I started hanging out with a D-1 basketball coach who I eventually began to refer to as my uncle (to avoid NCAA recruiting violations). I haven’t exactly looked at life the same since. His name is “I fucks”…This is seriously his nickname…This guy taught me about hoes, Hennessy, and how image and reality have absolutely jack shit to do with one another. Put a pen in that, he’ll get his own post. I’ve lived in Connecticut, Pennsylvania, California, New York, and Jersey. I’ve been to more bars, parties, and hedonistic events than I care to admit to. For this reason, I think I have a handle on what to expect from a bar scene. After all, I’ve been showing my ass in bars for over a decade now… Over the years, I’ve developed a few rules:
1) Every girl wants to have sex…the place and time may vary….and you might not be their flavor…accept it…but they do want to…I don’t believe in “out of your league”…Derek Jeter wasn’t born into the MLB, he had to work on his game… with that said, people do plateau…depends on how bad you want it , Champ!
2) Afford people the same amount of respect that they afford themselves….example: girl steps in the club rocking band aids on her tits…she’s a ho, treat her like one…not all females develop into women…it’s a part of life…
3) If you pick up a married woman in a club, you’re only 30% at fault….don’t feel bad…however, don’t hate her hubby for kickin your ass later…simple risk vs. reward…when doing this, make sure you have an understanding that you will NEVER sleep at her house…always have a place with more than one exit…and accept the worst scenario before you proceed…. MILFs will teach you a ton…
4) No Bar fights…it’s stupid…period…
5) Go hard or go home…going out is not a spectator sport…if you end your weekends telling stories about everyone else’s activities, a self evaluation is in order…
6) Hitting on girls is a compliment… Women don’t paint their nails, do their hair, wear lip gloss, 100 dollar shoes, the “right” outfit, and vickie secret panties because they want to be left alone…they want to be noticed…maybe just not by you…this goes along with number 1
7) Have a signature drink…and know how to order it…example: I drink Cognac. I know it comes in a snifter. I know it’s made in france. I know to NEVER order it without ice…it’s called a Cognac “neat”… pick your poison and learn it…also, leave the chasing to the police…
8) Don’t lie on your dick…if you didn’t have sex with a girl…you didn’t…it’s that simple…that’s child’s play… and it’ll send you into a drought faster than an STD rumor..
9) If you sense that their feelings are too intense…it’s pimp or die..- Jay-Z… If she likes you waaaay more than you like her…let her go…it’s for the good of your car…
10) Separate work and play…limit the number of colleagues you party with…and try to never have sex with any of them…
Now that you have somewhat of an understanding of what I look for in a bar, continue reading at your own risk….
The Greene Street Hooligans 